Simplify

For most of my life I have been an over achiever... pushed very hard by my family to always do well... not saying it is a bad things, but it has always made me over analyze things. This related to my love life in a huge way... I always date the wrong man right... my friends are all shaking their heads right now. I think though that I know why. It is hard to give your heart to someone when it still belongs to someone. It has taken me awhile, but taking a look back and simplifying things has made me realize I have already met me special someone. Yes I have said it... I am very much in love with someone. Distance keeps us apart for the time being, but someday we will be together. This person still gives me butterflies when I look into his eyes... even 3 years later... Giddy like a fucking school girl...

For me I always have been trying to find something 'better' because that is what we have been taught. Finding better has been nothing but a terrible journey for me... the thing is I NEVER TRULY THOUGHT THERE WAS BETTER... sure there are doctors or lawyers, which is what certain people in my life feel I need to be with, but men with money treat me like property. This isn't monopoly bitches and I am not for sale. Taking a step back from society this year (perhaps some of you noticed my absence) I have simplified my life and realized all I need or want is true love, family and a few good friends... from there everything else will fall in place. Luckily for me this is already so... and I gotta say my life is richer for it. Only you can determine what is right for your life... I know what is right for my life and I know where I am going. I know the people in my life right now are all beautiful and special... for which I am truly grateful!

I think the main thing I have come to learn in life seeing friends find and lose love (divorce etc etc) is we need to be happy when happiness finds us. Stop listening to the masses and listen to your own heart and mind... those are the two things we should hold dearest to ourselves. People always say don't settle... wtf how is being happy with the blessings and people in your life settling. Just because you don't think my bf is sexy or the right one for me... who the fuck are you. That goes for everyone... seriously who gives a shit if people think something. They are entitled to their opinion, but from what I can see it just stems from jealousy... jealousy that you have found happiness and they married someone because they were pregnant etc etc. This goes back to honesty... you need to be honest with yourself and what you want in life... if you never are honest with yourself you are fucked in life... you will always be a miserable bitch meddling with a life you wish you had. Here is a clue people.. if you are unhappy with something in your life change it! If you are too lazy to change it then shut the fuck up because we are all tired of listening to your shit :-)

I suppose all I am saying is that no matter what happens in my life I know I am truly lucky because most people never find someone that is their everything... best friend, lover, companion, protector and loyal. As humans we make mistakes and usually can never be given a second chance to just live and be happy. Second chances rarely happen... let's be real. To my love I want to say thank you... thank you for loving me for all I am... Intelligent, bitchy, goofy, dorky, witty, independent, caring, focused, driven... I know at times it seems like the world around us is crashing... people sabotaging, but I am here... waiting until we can truly be one...