Christmas 2012

So here we are again… another year done and another letter to all of you. Hopefully you all realize exactly how wonderful you are and how you shape my life, even if we do not speak regularly. This year I wanted to have more fun and to try and keep up with those around me more… I have to say I didn’t do a good job at keeping up with everyone, so for that I have to say… opps my bad. The good news is you are getting a letter now which is filled with I’m sorry, I miss you and let me remind you how fabulous I am. One a serious note though… the reason I am so awesome I because I have such great people always in my life even if we are not close in distance. This year has brought a great many changes for me as far as friends, family and work. One of my dear friends moved in the fall all the way across the US… the last of the people left that allow me to be myself in public around them that were adults. Knowing that there was a huge opportunity there for them is great, but being left here alone was a tough cookie to swallow… and clearly looking at my ass you can see I love me some cookies. The good news with no adults to be obnoxious (myself) around is that means spending more time with the teens. Not having the arts kitchen open this year has been an odd feeling and the relationships I have made with the kids changes me daily. There is such sincerity and kindness given to me from them on a weekly basis. Essentially it’s like having 40 little brothers and sisters around that I actually like and respect. Hopefully my tough love changes some for the better and encourages others to not be afraid to step out proud of who they are. My family is growing and changing a lot too. It’s been a great year for all of them minus some minor health setbacks. My brother said damn the man and started his own insurance business this year in Vegas. My dad was promoted as the Director of Game Operations for the entire East West Shrine All Star Game in Florida. He is gone often, which automatically promotes me to SHBIC at work ;) For those that are unfamiliar that means… second head bitch in charge. LOL My mom is clearly still the HBIC when she is here. As for me... my life has been a crazy busy swirl of awesomeness… It keeps me from remembering there are nothing but idiots and mooches in this town and I should be happy alone  I work in the daytime with my family and then after work I set up tours for bands. I also, host shows here in town for bands touring. Klamath makes a bitching tour spot between California and Seattle. It gives the kids something to do and allows me the opportunity to make friends from all over the world. Music has always been my fun thing and my escape from the reality of adult hood. I shall forever be my own super hero… business by day and crazy metal head by night  It’s not an easy job at all… but I enjoy a challenge! (www.jcmbooking.com) (www.facebook.com/jcmbooking) This next year look like an even busier year as I am going to be restructuring my company and streamlining some things to make what I do easier… and pass it on to other people. This next year I will also be celebrating my dirty 30 in Vegas! People better be booking some flights and hotels to meet up and be silly with me and my random entourage <3 On a side note… if anyone can get me a reality show I would greatly appreciate it. I think if snooki and honey boo boo can have a show and make thousands of dollars for people to watch them be cray cray… then I should too!! I love you all and remember… Work what ya got… Smile because it confuses people (especially when you are pissed) and as RuPaul says ‘If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else’!? Ohhhh and since it is winter time… don’t eat yellow snow!

Mystery Solved!

Dear friends I come to you today with the answer to an ancient mystery of life... something so important that I might even be interviewed by someone important... or at least D-list quality!

I know some of you may wonder what the hell is she talking about... I am sure you all realize at this point in your life that I am a total, complete, massive fucking genius... so did I find the cure to cancer... did I discover a new planet... did I figure out what the true meaning of the 'new' 13th zodiac sign is? No! However, I did discover why women tend to be bitchy during the special time when her vaja-ja bleeds... Let's break it down for the men folk that can never understand... hence, why they are whiney, annoying babies when they even have a touch of the flu...

First off imagine gaining about 10 pounds in water in 1 day... waking up to fat feet... not being able to put on your favorite pair of shoes because you cannot get your damn foot in it. Trying to put on your favorite pair of jeans... jumping up and down, rolling around, laying on the bed, doing the worm - all just to get the fucking top botton buttoned and the zipper up before it pops off. Hoping you didn't just create the muffin top of the century you decide if it is worth the effort again to put spanks on... hoping then you do not create a little back roll... deciding to just say fuck it and wear a baggier shirt or sweater so you can actually breathe and not pass out around 1030am from lack of fluids, energy or air. Then you crave the most random things in the world... most of them 3 times your normal caloric intake... but comfort foods are the only thing that bring you happiness at that moment. After you go on your snack binge all day you realize yet again you cannot breathe in your jeans that were loose yesterday... wanting to cry because you now feel like a giant fatass float attached to some streamers and part of the Macy's Thanksgiving parade.

Now my personal favorite part of the whole exterience is shoving something up 'there' that is meant to hold enough liquid to fill a a small water bottle... if changing that is not enough... imagine the feeling of it filling up... dripping... oh and leaking all over... ruining a pair of panties or worse yet making an 'accident' appear (usually during an important part of the day). The thing most men do not understand is it is truly humiliating... you feel dirty, disgusting, ugly... SO - when we fish for compliments during this special time it's not because we are just shaming you into it... but because we desperately need them to not feel like a complete pile of shit.

So there is the 411 for our fabulous man friends <3

The Institution of Love...

So over the last couple of months I have had a lot of people am just meeting or friends of mine discussing with me how I feel about marriage. For me this isn't something I can just give a simple one word answer to.