Respect and Honesty...

So recently I have finally began to look at my life openly and honestly with regard to the people in my life and how those people interact with me. A lot of times people say that you need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else... same goes with respect and honesty... you need to have enough respect for yourself to be honest with yourself... then those two things will follow you in daily activities. With that said... reality has set in deeply... when I have taken a step back, it has allowed me a glimpse into the lives of those around me (near and far) and it really is not very pretty. The hardest concept for me to grasp is the fact that very few people in this world do not know what it is to just be a friend to someone... not try and use someone for some sort of advantage... or purpose, but really just being there for someone, even if it means just hugging them or listening to them cry for a moment on the phone. When did we become so empty as humans... what has caused this shift? Why are we so spoiled and selfish? Am I the last of a dying, pathetic breed that would rather die doing the right thing... being alone and always trying to be there for everyone else... getting used up to the last drop... left empty to crack?

The biggest problem I have with the human race right now is the general lack of respect and follow through. I have absolutely no problem if someone does not like me... I do not even care if they have a legitimate reason... not everyone is meant to be friends. It is what it is... the problem I have is if you say you are going to do something just do it... or if you have no intention of doing it either be honest with the person and just tell them no... or have enough respect for the person to let them know you just cannot do it... make up a shitty excuse... who cares, just be a big enough person to show someone respect so they are not sitting there alone waiting with their thumb up their ass. They say loneliness breaks a persons' spirit, but that is not the case. A person can function just fine on their own little path... be their very own ray of sunshine in life... it's only when a person takes that leap of faith to just have human contact that derails their spirit... even breaking it. What is so difficult for the average human to understand about friendship (or relationships of any kind in life - family etc)? As humans our basic instinct is to nurture and protect... so why must we spend so much time tearing each other down and break each other to the ground. If people spent half the time on positivity as they do on negativity... honesty, truth, respect, love... the world would be very different right now. As a race we have undone thousands of years of traditions and kindness as people in 4 generations... how is this possible?

Maybe there is just something inherently wrong with me? Am I so odd of a person to not expect items or gifts of people... no advancement in society... just time. My whole life I have been seeking acceptance and time from people and I keep getting the same responses from people... I am too nice, I expect too much from people... I should know better than to rely on anyone... people are inherently bad... you cannot change anyone... you need to learn to appease people more often... don't set your sights so high and people won't disappoint you as often. Really? What the fuck?! How are any of those statements ok in life? When should it be ok to settle in life with anything... don't get me wrong I do believe some people are lost causes and never will change, but in my heart I truly feel if someone wants a different life they can have it... they just need to be honest and respect themselves enough to see their flaws and how to improve as a person. It is easy to give someone something... a gift... etc... but why is it so hard to give each other a piece of ourselves? Let's be honest with ourselves for who we are and what we want out of life and start giving people respect as another human being to be who they are and do what they want. Respect each other enough to know we want different things in life... we are not all mean to be friends, but we can still respect our differences to enjoy all aspects of life.

One Night In Klamath...

For those of you not familiar with good ol' Klamath Falls... you cannot imagine the type of nightlife we have here. It is like a random mish mash of every group of people you can imagine all in a 3 block radius downtown.... you have your snobby bitches, the cool kids that never grew up, the alcoholics, the druggies, the crack whores, the ex strippers, the emo rejects, the jock rejects that now pump gas and have 12 baby mamas, the ravers, the hip hoppers, the skaters, the potheads, the trailer trash and the 'beautiful people'... usually when you go to different towns these people never mingle together. I suppose that is something unique we have here... usually there is a specific order in which people go out... it starts at El Palacio... everyone moves over around 1030 to Waldo's then disperse to Aftershock, Legends and the Alibi throughout the night.

So last night James and his GF came down from Bend to hang out for the night... the dragged me out! So... we decided to go to Waldos. Upon our arrival, 4 of Klamath's finest in Blue show up to question people about a crime/murder that happened in the area. It really wouldn't be a night out at Waldos without some sort of Police action - though police don't usually show up until around 1.. and I am home by then :-) As the evening went on the randomness increased 10 fold! We saw a camera guy coming into Waldos following some ex stripper turned crack head/alcoholic... she said she was filming for a reality show. After talking to the camera guy, we deduced that the show could only be one thing... that's right folks... Intervention. Well maybe not exactly that show, but something like it... that girl was a hot mess! So about 10:30 all the snobby bitches, 'beautiful people' and skanky assclowns began to make their way over from El Palacio. At that point we decided to bounce. We went toe the CAK for the 'house party'. It was sooo much fun... all the random ravers and emo kids were dancing their little hearts out. I had a ton of fun shakin it and fist pumping Jersey Shore style! I absolutely hate regular clubs that only play hip hop crap, but house and trance music is the bomb! I guess they are having house dances every week now. I think it is a good thing because a lot of the kids there are like 18-20 and just want to have drama free fun... also not a normal concept in Ktown!

Well... that about summed up the evening... it just cracks me up about our town and the randomness of every evening. It reminds me of why I rarely go out and the fact that I hate judgemental, drama filled people :-)

For the last month I have had a lot of emotions and memories brought to the surface by certain events... feelings can be a bitch! The good thing about feeling something is knowing that you are first off still alive and secondly... you have depth. When you feel something, whether it is good or bad, it shows that you can step back and look at a situation and be moved somehow by it. So this has been my past month... feeling... remembering and focusing on what I truly want from life. I think that is something everyone should do from time to time... it keeps us grounded and focused on what things in our life really matter... and by things I am not talking about physical items.

I had the pleasure of watching my best friend get married to the love of her life... most of you who know me would think I am not extremely emotional... I totally broke down in tears during her wedding. I can't wait to see the aweful picture of me as a teary blubbering mess... should be pretty awesome LOL I did not realize seeing love it it purest form and seeing one of the most important people in my life sublimbly happy could bring me to tears. Most of the time I guard my emotions and feelings because they weaken you... open you up to hurt and pain...