I thought it might be fun to transfer some posts from my old blog (on myspace) I just found to here. This one was written almost 4 years ago... weird how you remember certain things you were thinking when you read things from the past...
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Masks
Current mood: pleased
Category: Life
Well tonight is another random blog here goes. Whenever I am venting is it NEVER about a specific person or event if it is, I have no problem calling a person out.
A lot of time in life we meet people that we get excited about, spend time with, and hope that there may be something there. Usually though, after a month or so, the real person shows through the mask one had been wearing. I have never understood why people do that/ I am one of those people that what you see is what you get. I am honest, open, and at times blunt. When I see something I want I get it or do everything I can do to get it. My general sense is one of caring and understanding. Why must we pretend to be something we are not in order to make people like us? This is what society as a whole says is ok well maybe is she gets to know this one part of you she will like you and forget about the rest. What is all the shit about why are we wasting each others time? When we present ourselves to someone, why are we always hiding who we really are? I have finally decided that I now what is wrong with me this just happened tonight folks. My desire to be myself is so strong, that I overpower those around me... aka for all the men out there... I scare the shit out of you. I dont mean to, its just who I am I am strong willed and my unwillingness to compromise my character and beliefs knocks me out of the running for most relationships. When I think of my life that way, I am not the problem, but really the masks I tear off of those around me are. How can the truth be so binding? Isnt the truth supposed to set you free?
Being free of mind and judgment is not a reality of our society. Perhaps people wear masks because of fear or shame? What have we become as a society to be so afraid to be ourselves that we must hide? Most of my life I have been an outcast, dork, freak, or whatever society decided for me for so long it seemed a burden. The only time I fit in was in college... OK college fucking rocked only because I was popular WTF me popular? I know weird right? I wore a mask for 2 years I have never been as lonely as that. People were always around, but not people I wanted around. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is our desire to feel accepted the driving factor? Sad but true, I feel this to be so. I myself fell into the trap society lays for us. It is hard not to take the chance to be something we have never been. I supposed it could be compared to a meth addiction the intro to the drug is fucking awesome then you need more and more to keep getting high. Nothing is ever like the first time finally you keep getting deeper and deeper into the addiction until you are so low and out of reality that nothing seems real anymore. At least that is how I felt after my sophomore year of college Everyone around is a fake you know it and they know it. We are all playing out little parts society has given us. It doesnt have to be like that though. The need to be loved is always going to be there in life we are human love is a need we always thrist for. Why is something that is so cherished and highly though of treated with such disrespect?
Another thing I just cannot understand is why am I always the one that gets shit on figuratively speaking here folks. I havent worn a mask in a few years now I am open and honest if you know me personally or gone on a date with me in the past few years you know what I say is true. I am dorky and obnoxious, loud yet genuine, aggressive but giving. Why is it so hard to just tell the truth and be as open as I am? Has society really put that much pressure on you? Do you really care that much about what your friends think? I mean come on the prick is probably going to meet a great girl and finally pull his fucking head out of his ass leaving you all alone wondering if you should leave or take you mask. Someday I will meet a really great guy. When you do meet me (if mister wonderful is reading) you better tell the truth or I might castrate you. LOL kidding well mostly. My only question is this are we (society as a whole) really OK with risking absolute happiness to appease our brethren?
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