Starting from the very beginning when I was 18... I got a butterfly on my shoulder. Very 1st one! It was an exciting time for me in life... I had graduated high school early and was exploring who I really was as a person... at that time I felt like a caterpillar coming out of my shell and emerged this beautiful butterfly. For the longest time I was afraid of who I was and not proud to be that person. That tattoo was the 1st step to opening myself up and discovering who I was to become as a person
The next tattoo came when I was 21... after several years of being lost. The 3 years when I was away from home on my own were amazing and terrifying all the same. I was walking a thin line between being good and just falling of the wagon... if I would have stayed there I would have had a serious issue with alcohol after awhile. Hence why I rarely drink... I do not like to get out of control I like things to be balanced... all things in life must be balanced in life. Hence the trinity symbol. I consider myself to be religious, but for my views on religion go read my other blog :-) The Trinity of course stands to the father, the son and the holy spirit. For me it is an interlocking symbol of life.. good, bad and everything else. It reminds me that if things are bad there is always worse and better... when things are good they should not be taken advantage of because they can be taken away in a second. It keeps me grounded and reminds me to always be a well rounded person. Everything we do in life is connected.
Next came my forearms... the first of butterflies flying up my left arm. Butterflies are very special to me because the symbolize change, beauty, strength and independence. Things that I am and have embraced in my life. It takes a lot of strength to embrace the beauty inside and outside oneself and to be strong enough to stand on your own proud of the beauty. It has taken a lot of inner strength to grown from past follies and experiences... embracing the changes that come in life and standing proud... not running scared. It is a lot easier in life to take the cowards way out... I am not saying that actually fighting is the answer to life's problems... I am saying standing up for who you are and what you believe in while embracing life is how it should be done. We are all afraid of how was will be perceived or looked at even if we say we do not care... we are humans and it is only natural. It is what we do with that negative energy that can make us special in this world.
This one is on my right wrist... it was done of of a sketch someone did... not exactly like it of course, but we hit a rough patch in our relationship and ended things... I got the tattoo to remind me that if you love something you need to set it free and if it was yours to begin with it will return. I never really understood that concept until recently. Every time I look at it I remember I need to just take a step back from time to time and allow things to just happen instead of trying to plan my whole life out step by step. As most of you close to me know I tend to control everything around because it makes me feel safe. When I am in control of things I do not feel vulnerable or weak. I am trying to find balance in life with each day.
Next comes Hello Kitty... this one really has no specific meaning behind it. I just love Hello Kitty... she is always so happy and fun... I have always loved her! Whenever I look down and am having a bad day it just makes me smile :-) Seriously how can you not giggle when you see Hello Kitty looking back at you on your arm. I made her strong and slightly different... she has a bit of an edge which is similar to me as a person. I also love cats and it makes me think of my baby fuzz butts. Animals in general have a real ken sense of love and hurt... they always come to me when I need a hug and just sit there patiently letting me know it's alright... at least until the man can :-)She is tough but very girlie all in the same token... that is how I try to live my life... I like being feminine and I truly love being a woman, but I am not weak... that is what my Hello Kitty says to me.
Next comes Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas. I suppose see myself as Sally in a way... she was crafted to be this perfect being... don't get me wrong I had as good of childhood as the next person, but standards were so high for me I never felt like I could reach them. On the inside I felt like I had been stitched up for all the hurt and torment of my past. Sally always ends up doing the right thing and trying to help people even though those around her try to bring her down. She is only searching for acceptance in her crazy little world only to find she doesn't need any acceptance other than herself. Those around her like her for exactly who she is and her uniqueness ends up saving the day. She only wishes that her true love will come back to her and they can live happily ever after. In the end with patience and heroism it happens... She falls for the one person that see her for who she is but gets caught up so much in everything around him that they almost lose each other. She saves him in the end and he sees that everything he needed was right before his eyes the entire time. I feel exactly like that and hope that my 'jack' and I will have our happy ending now too.
Finally come the star... a star is a symbol for protection... so I wanted to be protected always. I also want to remember a few simple words to guide me through life safely. I feel that no matter what goes on in life if you can live your life by those words everything will work out in the end. Above all one must have love in life... love makes all things possible. When you love someone you give up your right to make stupid decisions because it's not just you anymore. This can be as simple as family, friends or a pet, but having love in your life stripes selfishness and stupidity to the core. Now to love something/someone correctly you need faith, hope, truth and courage. Faith in yourself and your partner to make the right decisions... hope that everything will work out correctly in hard times, truth to keep trust and open communication and courage to let your walls down and just let love be in your heart and guide your life. These are all things I believe in and I hope when other people see that tattoo they are reminded as well.
This one is a cover up of the very 1st tattoo I ever had done when I was 18. It was a tony blue butterfly that was not done well. It wa my 1st taste of ink... now covered by a badass deathfly. Butterflies to be are always special because my life is very much that of a butterfly... trapped in my younger days as a caterpiller... cocooned myself to find who I am meant to be in life and released several years later from my own prision to fly and be free... be amazing and special... A death fly or skull fly to me shows the beauty of something that is perceived dark and evil... a lot of people look at me and assume I am dark and evil LOL and the roses are there to show strength and femininity.
This one is very special to me because music is the one thing that has always been there in my life. It is the one thing that is true... it can get you through bad times... it can know exactly what to say to make everything better. n short, music is my drug and what has always understood me. I would not be where I am today without it. When I was growing up I played the clarinet... most people to do know that about me unless you were there. It was my escape from the hell known as public school with all the clicks and all the judging. Thank god for band class... for real!
This is a continuation of the muic notes... because for me music is the heartbeat of life... without music my soul would be empty.
This is one of my favorite ones because it has so many meanings. Anyone that as known me a long time knows I was obsessed with ancient Egyptians ever since I was young. I always dreamt of being Cleopatra... I have always been strong and a leader... so it made sense to me :-) The Eye of Horus is a symbol of protection, royal power and good health. All good things to want. It was also used on burial sites to ward off evil... also quit fitting in my life. I love color so the colors are there to be pretty, but also to remind me to see all spectrums of things before jumping to conclusions... not all things in life and black in life... there are not 2 sides to every story. 
My most recent tattoo has a deep meaning... The rose first is a symbol of strength. This is me... and I am strong... but the roses has cracks in it from yeas of things happening that should not have. The cracks remind me that yes I am strong, but we all have moments of weakness that may haunt our past. The great thing about seeing those cracks is I know they are in the past and with a constant reminder I will never repeat any previous mistakes. The racks also remind me of my terrible love life.... I have yet to meet someone that doesn't just want something from me, but wants to share their life with me. That is why my heart is now locked down. I remember my past and learn from it... and anyone that wishes to share their life with me will need to help unlock my heart... as there is just darkness behind the keyhole right now...
My newest one has been a long time coming. I truly feel like I am a voodoo doll sometimes... people always trying to push the pins in, waiting for me to fail, trying to make me fail, setting expectations too high, hating any small successes I have and bring guilt to me for those successes. My life may look simple, but can you even begin to fathom how hard it is to make it look that easy. You people have no clue! The thing about it is that I would't have it any other way... who I feel sorry for are the ones that poke pins into me... does your life suck that much you just want to see someone else fail epically? The thing is... I am human and fail everyday. Yes EVERYDAY. There are marks left behind everyday from people being hurtful for many reasons, my heart is broken and empty for false love and hopes from the past... I am am just doing the very best everyday that I can to be the best possible version of myself and try and make a spot for mysef in this fucked up world that will leave a positive memory or change to even one person each day.So now you know... so stop asking :-) On a serious note though I think that whenever I get a tattoo it is a way for me to express a part of myself or overcome something in my life... make a memory of past decisions that have allowed me to grow into the person I am. If we do not learn from or move on from our past we can never evolve as a person in the future.
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