As most of you know I am a bit nutty anyway... so being woken up in strange ways isn't that odd for me. However, today was an exceptionally odd way to be woken up.
So, I wake up at 5am everyday to feed my cats (yes I realize they are spoiled) and then check emails etc. Today is was cold and feeling lazy, so I went back to bed. Twenty minutes into my warm coma I am jolted from my sexy dream to the sound of hissing, meowing, glass breaking and all out calamity. Holy hell... seriously someone has got to know better than try and break into my house at 530am right?... hello all the lights are on and the sun is coming up. So me being the genius I am decides the first thing I need to grab is no not a gun, but pants. What kind of maniac is going to confront someone naked right? LOL get some pjs on and get the gun... tip toeing from my room to the kitchen. I slowing peak around the corner to find Ebio on top of the fridge, Sofia on the counter running back and forth and Genevieve on the table... and a big fucking bird on top of my cabinets flapping its' wings. What the fuck... how did a giant fucking bird get in my house? Panicking I go check every window and door in my house... all locked and none broken. Next I check all the light fixtures - make sure none have been pushed down or broken. Then I remember in my laundry room I heard chirping a few days ago in the wall... somehow that fat fuck got into my soffet... hopped around and fell down into my interior wall (hence why everyone should insulate all your interior walls too) and broke through the sheetrock where my garage door handle slammed into a few months ago... there is not a 4" hold I need to patch - awesome.
Ok - so now I know it's a bird... poor thing is close to having a heart attack with 3 fats cats ready to rip its' pretty little head off... I need a plan. So - the plan was to get the cats into my bedroom, locks them up and somehow heard the bird with a broom out my front door. Good thing I already had some clothes on ;) Just imagine me: hair a mess... in pjs... front door open running up and down the hallway with a broom trying to get the damn bird out...
Just another day in the life of The Fabulous Miss Jessica <3
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